She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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