Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
