i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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