I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
