White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
