Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
