just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
