He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
