please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
