Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there's paper in my vomit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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