think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
