white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
