I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
