i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
