Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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