the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
