At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
