So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
