zippers are such a cool invention
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
