dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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