If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
