Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
