so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
