she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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