its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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