I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
