He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
