I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
