this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
