Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
