Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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