You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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