Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
