The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
