my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
