Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
