There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
