by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
