You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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