Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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