I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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