I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
