Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
