I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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