I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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