he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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