Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
