I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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