ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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