He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
